As with many relationships, yours with your job may be complicated. But I believe that a healthy relationship with work (and hopefully, your job), can make your life richer and more fulfilling.
It’s about the contribution you’re making, of course, which I hope also challenges and engages you. If it doesn’t, you have my permission to break up. (But be the bigger person; go for a “conscious uncoupling” rather than quiet quitting or a messy grand gesture.)
Work gives us purpose, a reason to get up in the morning and a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. Ask any retiree who didn’t make a plan for what they’d do in retirement: losing purpose makes life less meaningful and less fulfilling.
The Stoic philosopher Epictetus said, “First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.” That applies to your personal life and your professional life.
Here’s my gift to you as you think about what you really want to do for work for the next 10, 20, or many more years you have left of earning a living. Think about not just the one job you need, but the three jobs you need to have a fulfilling career.
First, you need a job to pay the bills. Everyone needs to be able to meet their basic needs, live independently, and perhaps, support a family. We all hope to be able to afford to live well, whatever that means to you. Owning a home, travel, eating well, entertainment, a great future for your kids – all the things that make life worthwhile. That’s why we work.
Your second job should be one that challenges you and builds your skills. Find work that keeps you sharp and keeps you in a learning mode. It can be a part-time gig, an internship, a consulting project, a volunteer job, or a sideline that might turn into a startup business. This work is focused on your future – your stretch goals for your career.
Finally, you need a job that gives you chills. One that feeds your creative side, connects you with people you love or work that changes the world. If you can find something that also pays – good for you. You’ll be way ahead of 99 percent of the workforce. But don’t worry about pay for this work – volunteer if you must. Start a passion project. Build deep skills in your hobby of choice. This is for you, to remind you what it feels like to connect what you do with who you are.
So three jobs, but technically, only one of them has to be a paying position. And the one that pays the bills can be anything that meets your financial needs. There’s no need to put all the pressure on the paying the bills job. If anyone asks, that’s what you say: “Right now, it’s paying the bills.”
Any waitress / aspiring actor / future rock star will back you up.
But I do hope you find work you love and that loves you back. I hope you manage to work hard, rest deeply, and build a life that matters. Alan Cohen once wrote, “There is virtue in work and there is virtue in rest. Use both and overlook neither.”
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