The Dark Side of Spirituality

In 2018, when I started this blog, My Spiritual Shenanigans, I had moved past the initial turbulence of my spiritual journey (commonly called the Dark Night of the Soul). I was now beginning to experience a mystical ride, with dozens of daily little miracles and divine nudges from the Universe. So, as often as I wrote about many of the challenges and the dark side of spirituality, I also emphasized how it all got better soon after.

There was a deep relief for all the mental and emotional storms having passed! And it felt great being able to share it with the world. I frequently heard back from readers about how the writings inspired them and gave them hope that things would shift for them, too.

That they could feel that the Universe had their back, too.

Around the same time that I was falling in love with my life and feeling immensely optimistic because of all the little winks I’d get from the spiritual realm (signs, synchronicities, insights), it was now time for a different seed to be planted.

One of the readers became the catalyst for something I’d understand many years later. She commented something along the lines of the Universe isn’t all rainbows and sunshine, and it seems that the author of this blog hadn’t experienced true loss before.

Ouch! It put me on defence. In my response back to her, I commented with a list of all the ways that I had experienced pain, too – whether it was a failed attempt to resuscitate my grandfather in his last moments with us or watching my grandma succumb to a ventilator on my thirteenth birthday after her knee surgery went wrong.

I then justified my stance about how rosy this journey was anyway.

As I write this article today, I smile at my innocence.

The reader was right.

Fresh out of a spiritual cocoon, the butterfly in me was still learning to flap her wings. I had no clue what words like trauma and nuance meant, let alone being able to bring that lens into my writings.

Even today, I can’t make any grand claims about my understanding of life but I know better than to live through the bubble of rainbows and sunshine!

There is so much more to this journey that, unfortunately, doesn’t get talked about enough because perhaps, just like me, the people that go through these experiences don’t know how to talk about them or choose to focus on the good instead.

So I’m putting together a mammoth article on this topic: the dark side of spirituality.

As much as I will work to normalize experiencing these weird and unfavourable situations, I will also focus on empowering you with tools to navigate these challenges.

So… what is the Dark Side of Spirituality?

On the one hand, we have honourable guides, mentors, and healers who put their heart and soul into helping the world become a better place.

Then there’s this other side, of maliciousness and spiritual abuse. Leaders and ideologies that do more harm than good.

Similarly, on one hand, we have powerful energy healing tools designed to realign and empower us almost instantaneously; you’d think it’s magic. I think of the power of Reiki, crystals, and burning sage and Palo Santo. And then I think of psychic attacks and energy vampires that leave one drained on so many levels.

Talking about the dark side of spirituality is about accepting that just like there’s incredible potential in unlocking past lives, meditating on the third eye chakra and keeping a dream diary to interpret the subconscious messages, there’s also the complete opposite, disturbing side of things like sleep paralysis, night terrors and other mind-games.

It’s about realizing that if there’s profound enlightenment and a sense of Oneness, there are also states of depression, loneliness and delusion.

The list goes on – some experiences are less “dark” than others. But they all allude to the same thing:

This journey is truly NOT all rainbows and sunshine. And until we don’t address the challenges, they will keep getting to us.

So, I hope to use the power of words and knowledge to bring this dark side to the light, and to empower you to ride the waves of your spiritual shenanigans with more ease, confidence and strength.

5 Things We Don’t Talk About (But It’s Time We Do)

This will be an ongoing series, so please bookmark this article and come back. I have lots to say here, and will keep adding to this post! In my first iteration of this article, here are 5 challenges I’ve seen on the spiritual path, alongside the relevant resources that can help navigate them:

#1 – Spiritual bypassing

What’s that? Here are some personal examples.

The biggest gap I was starting to see within myself was that my daily spiritual practices started acting as a band-aid. Don’t get me wrong – these were a powerful set of rituals that elevated my mind and mood. But very quickly, I recognized that getting into a trance through Binaural Beats or focusing on the vibrations of AUM wasn’t enough.

I needed more tools in my toolkit because once off the mat, I was heavy on judging and preaching to everyone around me for not being as spiritual (especially to my sweet, sweet parents, sigh).

It was easy for me to read and talk about deep philosophies such as oneness and detachment, but boy was I constantly triggered and running away from everyone and their humanness! Can you relate?

Also, as another example, many of us, myself included use spirituality to justify things. “It’s karma”, or “you shouldn’t be so effected, learn detachment”, or “you read so many spiritual books, you should know better” etc are some of the dialogues that creep in, making this journey feel unforgiving.

These contradicting behaviours are termed as Spiritual Bypassing.

It’s when our mind logically “gets” the philosophy but hasn’t truly integrated it. These spiritual ideas act as poetic lip-service but fall short when it comes to putting them into action.

When it comes to ourselves, we can address our spiritual bypassing in many different ways; whether it’s taking the time to slow down and find practical ways to apply the philosophy we learn into daily life, or focusing on deeper tools such as somatic work, projection work and emotional regulation so that we don’t bypass the human experience in the name of spirituality.

But what about spiritual bypassing that comes from other people? Since there’s so much to be covered in this topic, here are some dedicated articles to help go deeper, from different angles:

#2 – Spiritual ego

The word “ego” typically has a bad rep. But the funny thing is, as long as we judge the ego, we’re stuck with it. Because ironically, it’s the ego judging the ego!

So how do we understand (and overcome) our ego, especially when it comes to spirituality?

My incredible spiritual guide, Acharya Vivekji describes the ego as having two functions – identifying with or protecting us from something.

Its purpose is survival – everything that makes survival easy is worth identifying with. Everything that challenges our survival needs to be avoided. And so it’s a primal way of existing.

Nothing wrong with that – but it’s quite limiting because it holds us back from moving beyond animalistic survival into living a life of true human potential.

And when it comes to our spiritual growth, the way the ego holds us back is it creates more duality. More reasons to not be “one” with our Creator or with those around us. It can also block us from learning, when we begin to think we know it all. Or worse, think we’re better than others, because we’re “more spiritual” or “old souls”, etc.

Also, ego isn’t all negative, per say. It’s what helps us aspire for a better life, set bigger goals and set ourselves to higher standards. But even this aspect of the ego can become limiting, because it’s what leads many of us to our existential crisis. After one point, more money, promotions or relations just don’t cut it. So, it’s important to get off the autopilot control of our ego and start connecting with something deeper, our soul.

Over the years, I’ve had the chance to work through many of these flavours, and have created lots of articles and self-paced healing materials to help understand and overcome the negative AND positive limitations of the ego-mind.

Caveat: your ego might get super defensive when you read some of these, but don’t worry, you (soul) are not your ego!

#3 – The “creeps”

If you’re sitting down and focusing on your breath for a few minutes, it’s probably not scary. But sometimes, during deep contemplation, people begin to have strange experiences. And they feel scared during meditation, which makes them abruptly stop their practice altogether.

This isn’t limited to meditation.

The spiritual realm has both, the good and not-so-good entities. Some are in service to us, and some are not. And for a myriad of reasons that I discuss in this lengthy article (which also comes with tools to overcome the phenomena), we might up getting creeped out and drained by the not-so-good ones.

As haunting as these things can be, there is hope.

Beyond the tools I share in the above-mentioned article, I’ll be sharing even more tools and ideas in some upcoming articles about psychic attacks and dealing with night terrors / sleep paralysis.

Stay tuned to the blog and/or watch this space so you’ll know when I update the links!

#4 – Spiritual abuse

It infuriates me to hear about “gurus” who take advantage of others in their most vulnerable states during their spiritual journey. I’m talking about cults and self-proclaimed saints that wear the sacred garb but go on to assault their victims at all levels – physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually.

There are countless horror stories and documentaries that highlight this maliciousness.

There’s only so much I can say about intentional abuse. But there’s a lot more that I can offer around the other angle: unintentional spiritual abuse.

It’s the kind where a leader or teacher has good intentions in their heart, but their own traumas or world views get in the way of their otherwise noble cause. This taints our experience of spirituality, because it’s loaded with shame, judgement, criticism, etc.

Spiritual abuse can take many shapes and forms. Like shaming others for not progressing fast enough, not meditating more, not acting spiritually in challenging moments, etc. It can also look like mockery or dismissal of one’s spiritual development, with comments like “is that what your books have taught you?”

It doesn’t always have to be a teacher – sometimes our fellow spiritual friends and folks too, can bring us down with such behaviours and comments. The bottom line is: it effects how we see ourselves, and when left unchecked can effect our mental health to the point that it takes us completely away from the journey of self-development.

I have a dedicated article on this topic here. Lots of tools, tips and as always, my personal story (yes, I too went through healing from a spiritually abusive community).

#5 – Spiritual obsessiveness

Our spiritual journey has so any cool things to teach us! And… all these modalities, practices and pursuits can become a slippery slope when left unchecked.

There are some common rabbit holes that most of us will go down, like binge-reading countless spiritual books, using natal charts or tarot cards to help navigate every inconvenience, or clicking photos and screenshots of every angel number we see throughout the day.

And then, there’s a kind of spiritual obsessiveness that leads to situations like these:

“I am writing in hopes of your help with my brother. I have read your blog and it sounds almost exactly what my brother is going through and I believe he needs some help. The angelic numbers, the reading of energy, communication with spirits, down to the emotional trauma he experienced to reach this point. He’s been to psychiatrists with no real help except putting him on hard medications. This experience has consumed his life and this is all he is focused on now. Myself, I am skeptical. I can see things to a point but he takes it to the extreme. He is a smart guy that needs some help, is there a chance you can help me understand? Or maybe reach out to him and mentor him from your experiences? I don’t know what else to do as the time will be coming that he will cut his whole family off because he is so focused on this. I believe everything happens for a reason and there’s a reason I found your blog. Thank you for taking the time to read this.”

It was this powerful email exchange with Renee that inspired me to write my e-book, Homecoming: A Spiritual Guide for the Awakened & the Awaking. I took the help of many my clients from the time to help verbalize what was going on with us, so that those around us could continue being there for us.

At what point does one draw the line? And how would we even know we’ve crossed it?

One symptom of having gone too far is spiritual loneliness, where one self-isolates to the point of a mental breakdown because no one seems worthy of being around and no one seems to get you! Beyond my book listed above, I’ve also addressed this topic in the following article.

Another aspect is spiritual fatigue from always healing. It’s when no amount of healing feels like enough. There’s always something to work on, and you feel like you’re running on a hamster wheel – spending energy but not truly getting anywhere. Here’s an article on how to deal with that.

And then of course, there’s spiritual disconnect. When you reach the point of having been so spiritual, you can’t seem to feel spiritual at all. Here’s a rundown on what to do if you and the Universe aren’t talking to each other anymore.

Concluding Thoughts

Whether you’re in the thick of such events and are looking for a way out, are a skeptic rolling your eyes at us fellow spiritual enthusiasts, or it’s simply your curiosity that brings you to this article, I trust that the stories, insights and tools I share will empower you.

I also humbly admit that these writings (or my knowledge) can’t cover the magnitude and vastness of spirituality’s shadow in its entirety. And yet, these are important conversations to have – and to that I am committed and in your service. There’s so much more to be said!

Let me know in the comments below how this article supports your understanding of the dark side of spirituality. And feel free to share what other elements I can add to make it more all-encompassing.

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